I recently celebrated my 29th birthday. The big 3 0 is coming for me next year, and to be honest, I’m a lot less freaked out about turning thirty than I used to be. I’m trying with all my might to embrace who I am now and not long for days past. My twenties are almost gone. I’ve spend the past few weeks contemplating and reflecting on how I used them and how I spent the last decade of my life.
I came to a humorous realization. I did my twenties backwards. Most people use their twenties, especially their early twenties to explore, have adventures, have an exciting social life, and take time for themselves.
Here is my twenties timeline:
-Married at age 20
-Pregnant with my first baby at 22
-Experienced the loss of 2 children at age 23
-Took my first full time teaching job at 24 and had my son the same year
-Completed my biological family at the age of 26 with the birth of my daughter
Now at 29 I find myself longing for more adventures, creating significant, lasting relationships and finding community, and taking more time for myself. Though my children and my husband are my world, they are not enough in and of themselves. Good things become idols if they are placed where they don’t belong. A family was never designed to replace Jesus. If I allow my husband, child, or my own dreams and ambitions to become ALL OF ME, not only do I no longer know who I am, I will lose everything if I lose them. Losing my first born taught me that.
If I could use a phrase to characterize my twenties it would be that those years have been mountain and valley experiences. Some of the best times of my life and some of the darkest moments occurred in these years. I also realize that the highs would never have been so high if I had not experienced the depth of the dark valleys that I walked through.
My twenties are a mixed bag. I’m sure you feel that way too. I know that everyone experiences ups and downs. We all have our own stories and that’s what makes life so excruciatingly beautiful.
Now that I’m approaching thirty, I have some goals. I think what I crave most right now is balance. I want to take those high and low experiences and use them to create some balance in my life.
-self assurance and confidence without dipping into self obsession and narcissism
-contentment with where I am and who I am but not forget my passion, drive, and goals to improve myself
-empowerment and encouragement over comparison and jealousy
I want to run my race and cheer on all you amazing Mamas, wives, and twenty or thirty somethings running beside me. We won’t always be in the throws of daily mothering but we are now. I want to be present in the moments I’m given, knowing they are fleeting. But also to recognize that not all moments in motherhood are worth savoring. I hope that I can have perspective in those times and know those unbearable moments won’t last forever and will pass. But I never want to look so far into the future that then now passes me by because I’m enraptured in my own future fantasies.
In my twenties I’ve grown, changed, and embraced who God created me to be. My twenties have laid the ground work for what’s a head. I’m looking at my thirties as my time to walk in that calling as a wife, daughter, mother, and woman with confidence and authority. I know mistakes will be made, but I won’t let them side line me from pressing forward.
What is your biggest take away from your twenties? Do you have decade goals? What are they?